Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
