I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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