Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
