Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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