mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
