Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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