I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
