I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
