just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
