even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh god it's open bar.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
