This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
NoShamevember. You game?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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