I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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