we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
