Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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