well most of my day revolves around power hour
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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