My brain says no but my pants say off.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
