I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
