everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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