went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
