and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
