If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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