Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
