Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
