remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
