Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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