all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
