your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You made out with two different species that night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
