her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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