Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
