She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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