If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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