In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
