Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
