Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
