Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
