wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
