I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
