having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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