i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We talked him into tasing himself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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