She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize