hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
