I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
