K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
