Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
