My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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