What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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