My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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