The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
