she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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