there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
