yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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