Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
