At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think my moral compass just broke
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
