We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
