I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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