hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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